We’re all on the can at least once a day, and it’s always a short escape from the rigors of our day-to-day lives. Time spent on the porcelain throne varies on the person, but if you own a portable game system then there’s a good chance that you’ve brought them with you on many occasions.
And you can’t take just anything in there with you, especially if it takes a long time to play. If you do that, people will begin to wonder — whisper, even — about how you’re actually spending your time in the bathroom. Or maybe your legs will just fall asleep, I don’t know.
Who says games journalism can’t be taken seriously?
Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy
RPGs are almost universally a terrible choice for bathroom gaming. Dungeons and cutscenes can drag on when you least need them to, and next thing you know you’ve been on the john for 45 minutes.
Thankfully, Square Enix allowed us to get our Final Fantasy on with Theatrhythm, which takes the best of the series’s acclaimed music and throws it into a fun little rhythm game that you can play in short spurts; no longer will your family call the fire department when you disappear into the bathroom with an FF title!
Plants vs Zombies
No matter your handheld platform of choice, PopCap’s Plants vs. Zombies is readily available. Just as importantly, while it’s easy to dive into the game and get lost for hours at a time, individual levels don’t take a long time to beat. Take a look around Crazy Dave’s shop, tend to your Zen Garden, pop a few zombies with peashooters, and then be on your way. And wash your hands, for crying out loud.
Men’s Room Mayhem
Okay, this one is a bit on the nose — Men’s Room Mayhem is a Vita game about guiding patrons at a public restroom to open urinals or stalls before they mess themselves all over the floor. It’s not very ambitious, but watching characters get into fistfights in front of the sink because they bumped into each other is dumb fun. At $1.99 with a set of PSN Trophies, you can do a hell of a lot worse than the most literal toilet game on this list.
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