The Daily Five: Worst Sidekicks in Gaming

April 20, 2013 | By | 9 Comments

Yesterday we recognized some of the best sidekicks in gaming. You know, good pals that you can count on to pick you up and see you through hard times. People you can depend on.

Of course, that’s only one side of the coin. Gaming’s given us some great companions, sure, but just as often we’ve been stuck with people that we want to kick off a cliff. People so annoying and useless that, at best, serve only to muddy an otherwise fine experience.


We should probably specify that this only applies to Zeke in the original inFamous; he went a long way towards redeeming himself in the sequel. Before that gets to happen, he’s a belligerent pain in Cole’s ass.

When Cole gets his powers, Zeke thinks it’s great but quickly becomes jealous of his best friend. He tries to help Cole on missions, but usually just ends up in the way. This comes to a head when Zeke ends up holding the Ray Sphere that gave Cole his powers, but rather than hand the dangerous device over he activates it to try to get his own powers.

Damned selfish clown man, is what Zeke was.

Private Peter O’Neal

Maybe you saw all of the negativity surrounding Aliens: Colonial Marines and thought, “There’s no way I’m touching that hot mess.” Your sentiments would be right on — it’s an ugly, broken game, and no one should ever play it.

But I played it, and I was constantly dumbfounded by how horrific the AI was for both enemies and squadmates. No one epitomized this quite like Private O’Neal, though, whose constant refusal to be of any use whatsoever made him the star of this particular shitshow. Are you pinned down by a xeno? O’Neal will just turn the other way. Locked door? O’Neal can crack that baby open in no less than seven minutes. In possession of an auto-aiming smart gun? He won’t hit a damn thing unless it’s directly in front of him.

Oohrah to ashes, dickhead.

Miles “Tails” Prower

Full disclosure: I actually like Tails. I like him a lot. His ability to fly and get Sonic over tough platforming sections made for some of the finest couch co-op of the 16-bit era.

The reason he’s here, though, is because Tails wouldn’t be the last character introduced as Sonic’s pal. Oh, no. Not by a long shot. Thanks to Tails’ popularity, SEGA saw fit to throw one anthropomorphic idiot at us after another, and soon enough we were inundated with furry friends that we’d just as soon throw into a shark tank.

Thanks for nothin’, Tails.

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